What is Relationship Compatibility?
Various factors influence how compatible two people are when you begin, build, and navigate a relationship. The most important of these are equality and respect. It is also important for both of you to have fun and enjoy the time you spend together. It’s not necessary to have similar or common interests, but relationships thrive when you share companionship, put in effort, and work on the relationship.
It is also important to remember that we often make the mistake of assuming that there is one ‘soulmate’ for us and they need to complement us in every way, and fulfill all our needs and desires through the relationship. However, there are many potential partners you may be compatible with and with whom you could grow to be a loving person. But then, even when you actually happen to find the ideal choice for yourself, that person might not share all of your interests or meet all of your needs. It is also important to have friendships and a broader base of support and companionship, so you can fulfill all aspects of yourself.
Why is relationship compatibility important?
It often happens that we don’t always pick partners for the right reasons. We may be drawn to someone for unconscious reasons based on our experience as children. These psychological defenses from our childhood may leave an impact on our adult interpersonal relationships.
We also tend to unconsciously choose partners who treat us the way we are treated at home, by family members. For instance, you might be the quiet one at home, and picking a partner who is loud. Then, you might fail to stand up to your partner and speak for yourself, which will allow your partner to dominate the relationship. When you choose or connect with your partner based on unhealthy traits, the reason you are drawn to them can become the reason for you to be repelled by them as the relationship progresses along an unhealthy path.
So evaluating compatibility is important to ensure you choose someone who not just ‘completes you’ but also allows (even challenges and encourages) you to grow and evolve.
How do you find a compatible partner?
In order to achieve a compatible relationship, it is important to think outside our comfort zone. This can be achieved by developing an open mindset and moving away from preconceived ‘criteria’ you might instinctively hang on to and be picky.
It is very essential to explore and think about dating patterns and learn from past experiences which didn’t work for you. You can begin by asking yourself questions like “what inner dynamics were at play that hurt my interpersonal relationships?” “Do I tend to be too critical?” “Do I try too hard to control the course of the relationship?” or, “Do I have a tendency to defer to my partner on important aspects of our relationship?
If you have any questions about this, you can talk to one of our counselors before taking up the program.
Sign up as an early bird for The science of relationships program.